


Happiness Too

by Paraselene_Spear



Series: Getting By on Birthday Highs [2]
Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Birthday, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Pre-Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-20
Updated: 2019-12-20
Packaged: 2021-02-26 01:15:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,211
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21875014
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Paraselene_Spear/pseuds/Paraselene_Spear
Summary: It's difficult to celebrate a day dedicated to a life that ended many others. Dimitri wishes to get through it.
Relationships: Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd/Marianne von Edmund
Series: Getting By on Birthday Highs [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1575931
Comments: 2
Kudos: 83





	Happiness Too

When Dimitri turned six, Duke Fraldarius and Margrave Gautier had arrived to Fhirdiad early, bringing their sons for a surprise visit. Count Galatea and his daughter had also weathered the trip without his knowing. He remembers being overjoyed that he and his best friends had the opportunity to spend an entire day together for his birthday. He remembers the training sword he received from Felix and how they all immediately scurried off to the training grounds to take turns swinging on a poor dummy. They played the entire day outdoors participating in snowball fights, games of Knights and Knaves, and feasted on some of Dimitri’s favorite treats, Faerghus sweet buns. Glenn had allowed them to even hold and swing real swords if they kept it a secret from their parents. His father held a feast with the visiting families, and he ate dinner in the company of his closest friends. Afterwards, all climbing into the same bed, Dimitri, Felix, Ingrid, and Sylvain talked hours into the night before sleep overtook all of them. It was a day Dimitri cherished with all his heart, a memory he often went back to if only to recall happier, innocent times.

When Dimitri turned twelve, his friends visited again, though much older and more aware of their responsibilities that would soon be thrust upon them. Despite this, they remained close. Felix was eager to challenge Dimitri to a duel to determine who the strongest of them was, Ingrid insisting she would get to join too. Sylvain watched them prattle in amusement before they had convinced him to participate as well. They didn’t stay the entire day like his sixth birthday, but he reveled in it all the same. When night fell, his father had gifted him a personalized lance, a beautiful, silver weapon that Dimitri promised not to use on anything other than practice targets until he was older. He remembers slowly drifting to sleep on his mother’s lap, to the tune of her serenading a gentle, soothing birthday lullaby. 

_“From good friends and true,_

_From old friends and new,_

_May good luck go with you,_

_And happiness too.”_

Simple words wishing simple comforts. He remembers them to this day, keeps them close to his heart. He nodded to the tune of her voice, succumbing to sleep. His twelfth birthday was peaceful.

  
  
  


Dimitri doesn’t think much about his fourteenth birthday. Or rather, he tries to forget it. It was his first birthday without his father. His mother, too, perished along with Glenn and many others he called friends. He spent the day in misery. He received birthday letters from the people that couldn’t or refused to be with him. Ingrid had written him a short letter, a quaint thing that wished him good tidings and a peaceful day. She had lost as a result of the Tragedy as well, but there was no mention of any such things in the letter. Perhaps she thought that, just on that small parchment paper, they could pretend that everything was well, that her love was still alive and that his life hadn’t been shattered. 

Sylvain wrote a similar letter, though more verbose and colloquial.

Felix didn’t write to him at all. 

Still, a Fraldarius did send him a letter, and Rodrigue’s was the last one Dimitri had read that day. He sometimes wishes he hadn’t. Line after line, word after word of wishing Dimitri a happy birthday and how his father would have loved to celebrate it with him, how Glenn had planned on teaching Dimitri useful techniques for battle, or how his mother would sing for him. Inked names that triggered the ghosts of his mind to spring forth from where they had been resting. His father, Lambert, asked Dimitri why he was idling about in his room. He urged his son to complete his duties, to satisfy them. Glenn agreed, saying that if he had to throw away his life so Dimitri could keep his, then the least he could do was make something of it. His mother wept, disappointed that her son was ignoring them. She pleaded for him to go. Glenn ordered him to go. His father demanded him to go.

_“Go and avenge us.”_

Dimitri wishes to forget his fourteenth birthday.

* * *

He awoke, startled and breathing heavily. His skull ached mildly, and perspiration dampened his pillow. He took a moment to regain his composure.

Dimitri had dreamt again. He dreamt of those three days, his sixth and twelfth birthdays providing so much splendor and joy. But the scenes of his fourteenth plagued his mind, the incessant demand of those he lost still echoing within his ears. He had spent that day in bed under his covers hoping that it would shield him from those ghosts.

He shook his head as if to mentally shake away the feeling, and he ran a hand through his wet hair. He looked over himself and his bedding, the state of both leaving much to be desired. He sighed.

As far as he knew, hardly anyone expected a thing. He had done well this year in keeping events like these in check. 

Remire had changed that. 

He still recalls that burning, vile hatred welling up inside him before it had become too much to contain. The sight of those innocent villagers and the _gall_ of those twisted scum to cause such a catastrophe had finally pushed him over the edge. He apologized to his professor afterwards. The man only gave him a look of concern before reassuring him that it was all right. However, the day had been the first domino to fall in a set that only seemed to continue crashing down. His headaches had started returning, and he found it difficult to slumber when it had not been the case in earlier months. But the worst setback had been the voices. On his worst days, they would appear and speak to him. Now, every day guaranteed the appearances of faces long gone.

He had changed into his uniform after drying himself, and he secured the moistened sheets for him to clean later in private. He leaned over his desk to check the calendar and came to a stop when his eyes glossed over the date.

The twentieth day of the Ethereal Moon.

That would explain his dream. He had to check again to make sure the date was correct because, in all honesty, the day had snuck up on him. After his fourteenth, his birthdays became unimportant to him. Why celebrate another year of a life that was the cause of suffering of several others? He remembers his last two being rather uneventful, more pomp and circumstance than something personal, though he still prized the floral adornments he received from Dedue, a rare show of companionship that extended beyond vassalage. 

However, he was at the Officer’s Academy now, and the situation was different. It would be the first time since he turned twelve that Sylvain, Felix, and Ingrid would all be together for such an occasion, though he thought it dishonest to think that the four of them from five years ago were the same people as the present. He had other friends now, as well, the entirety of the Blue Lion house and others there to see him. The professor had also earned a reputation of spending time with students on their birthdays. 

He let a small smile take his lips. 

The thoughts of kindness from his peers helped him trudge through the rest of his preparations, and as he prepared to leave his room, they helped distract him from the three figures whose eyes bored into him from his periphery.

* * *

The thoughts of headaches and nightmares remained, but they were quickly placed aside the moment he had left his room. Sylvain and Ingrid had been waiting for him, claiming that they wished to be the first ones to wish him happy birthday before anyone else. Felix was there too, looking much less enthusiastic than the other two. Even so, Dimitri still heard the mumbled utterance of something resembling well wishes from his sour friend as Ingrid hugged him and Sylvain wrapped an arm around his shoulders. Dedue stood at the ready as well, a soft smile on the gentle giant’s face as he bowed in respect towards his lord. The commotion had attracted the attention of the other nobles, and it wasn’t long before he was swarmed by friends of different houses greeting him. Claude congratulated his fellow house leader and gave him an empty vial with his name on it, a gift.

“For when you’re in a pinch,” Claude simply said with a wink when Dimitri asked what he was to use this for. He decided to carefully stow it away.

Maybe Dedue or Ashe could use it to measure ingredients when cooking. 

Edelgard had just gotten through the usual birthday pleasantries before he was whisked away by Lorenz and Ferdinand. They insisted on having tea with him, with them being “the future leaders of Fodlan, and all” as Ferdinand had put it. The reminder of such a thing made him shudder internally. Those two were kind, but they were not helping in easing his hurting head. 

Walking down the hallway surrounded by others, he glanced over the faces that filled the area. Though he wouldn’t admit it, he was searching for someone, and he was slightly disappointed to not find them amongst the talking heads. But as he looked over the top of those in front of him, he spotted that pale face far back peeking out of her room to watch what was happening.

Marianne looked on and discovered the source of all the attention, finding Dimitri’s gaze. She appeared confused, but once her eyes met his, she gave him a small smile and a wave before retreating into her room. It made him smile and alighted a comfortable warmth in his chest. Her smiles were always a special sight, and for now, that was enough.

* * *

The young crown prince followed his instructor for a time. After the morning lecture, Professor Byleth had requested Dimitri’s time. His teacher hadn’t said anything to indicate what he needed from him, being the man of few words that he was, and he continued to walk in silence, trusting that his student would follow. Dimitri complied, of course. He wondered what the situation could be. Maybe a briefing on their next assignment? Or perhaps it was assistance for a physical task. 

Whatever the case, the silence was beginning to bother him. He didn’t know what to think if only a few moments of quiet was enough to set him off. Dimitri decided that asking outright was better than inviting unwanted thoughts. 

“Professor, may I ask what you need me for?”

The question stopped the man conveniently in front of the entrance to one of the gardens. The professor held an arm out to invite Dimitri in, and only after seeing the tables did he realize they had ended up in the area popular for tea parties.

Dimitri should’ve known. His professor had become somewhat notorious for inviting every student for a cup of tea on their birthdays. Dimitri supposed that all the recent events of both the past month and today had dulled his perception. 

Nevertheless, Dimitri was glad to take a seat and indulge his professor. They’ve spent multiple afternoons before speaking over tea. As the house leader of the class, Dimitri often discussed the status of the house and his friends with his professor, amongst other topics. Today, he had a decent idea of the subject at hand.

He observed his professor pour two cups of tea. Besides the two, the area was empty, something Dimitri appreciated. He enjoyed being able to talk as freely as possible with the professor. He was handed his cup, thanked the professor, and inhaled the scent of the steaming liquid.

Chamomile, his favorite. Though he could not speak about the taste, the smell and effects of the brew were soothing. On truly troubling nights, he would consume the tea before bed to help subdue himself.

He took a long sip, closing his eyes to help immerse himself in the aroma. He set his cup down and opened his eyes to find the man seated across from him offering a basket of sweet buns. They were Faerghus made.

“Happy birthday Dimitri.”

He could not hold back his small smile and accepted the gift. These sweet buns on his birthday reminded him of a younger boy, frolicking in the snow with his friends and family. 

“Thank you, professor. You did not need to get these for me, truly.”

His teacher waved off his comment in dismissal and sipped from his own cup. He looked over the food he was given again, his smile growing slightly sadder. As much as he enjoyed the gift, foods as presents had become increasingly difficult to accept with true sincerity. He’d been unable to taste his food for quite some time, but he tore into the bread all the same in hopes of pleasing the professor at the very least.

“How have you been faring, Dimitri?”

It was a standard question that Dimitri was accustomed to hearing when the professor wanted to start a conversation.

“Things have been rather well, I suppose. Our classes are progressing just fine, and I think we have been improving rapidly as of late. No doubt because of your guidance, of course.” 

The professor nodded along to his answer.

“I see.”

They slipped into a small silence afterwards, the sounds of the breeze and people in the background filling in the noise. Dimitri watched the man across him stare at the cup of tea, deep in thought. Before the pause had become too awkward, the professor spoke up.

“Dedue has been talking to me, Dimitri. About...things.”

“Oh?”

So, that’s what this was about. The professor had always been uncannily perceptive, and with Dedue being aware of his recent ailments, he wasn’t surprised that his instructor was catching on. Dimitri, unfortunately, did not want to have this conversation today. Not now, when they were nearby, watching. He looked away. 

The professor continued.

“He’s informed me that you have been…struggling slightly as of late. So, when I asked how you were faring, I meant _you._ Not the class.”

Dimitri looked up to find the professor watching him, the obvious worry on his face. He hated being the reason that someone could look that way. He could not keep his gaze for long and silently turned away.

“Dimitri. How are you?”

His hands were on his legs, and he unconsciously clenched on his clothes.

“I am just fine, professor,” he settled on saying. His response was stilted, stiff, and suggested the exact opposite of what he had said. He had never been a good liar.

“Dimitri.”

The earnestness in the professor’s voice was caught between the tones of a scolding and a plea, bringing Dimitri’s eyes back upon the man. He was leaning in now, the lightness of the occasion suddenly becoming unbearably heavy for him. He refused to speak for fear of his mind and mouth betraying him.

“I know Remire was difficult. It was hard for all of us…It was hard for you.”

The mere mention of the event had sent a scowl upon his face. He closed his eyes and looked away again. He couldn’t let things slip away from him now. 

The professor did not relent.

“You don’t have to tell me anything serious, Dimitri. But I’m just a bit worried, here. You can come to us for anything. You know that, do you?”

He couldn’t quell the feelings surging within him. The sincerity of the professor warmed his heart, but the negative emotions were quickly overtaking him. 

_“They could never know. This is yours to bear.”_

He nodded to his professor or to that voice in his head, he didn’t know. The professor took it as the former.

“Your friends are here to support you. I’m here to support you. It’s your birthday today, and we want to see many more. When times are difficult, can you promise to come to us?”

It sounded nice. Deep within, he knew what the professor had said was true. He had the support of many at his beck and call. 

But could he let himself fall into the arms of his friends so readily? When he felt he didn’t deserve to? When he still hadn’t completed his mission? When they didn’t understand the true nature of how he felt?

He looked up to his professor and the three specters standing behind him.

“Of course, professor,” he lied. “I will.”

* * *

The prince of Faerghus heaved a heavy sigh into the night sky. After tea with the professor, his day had been a whirlwind of festivities that had left him exhausted. He stood in the middle of the bridge connecting the Cathedral with the main Monastery, leaning against the side and admiring the view and recalling the events of the day. 

Annette and Mercedes had insisted that he eat their specially made Birthday Cookies. He could not personally taste them, but from the looks and words of his classmates, they were delicious. 

After stating that he had already had tea with the professor, Ferdinand and Lorenz had him simply partake in a “noble stroll” around the Monastery as they discussed the state of…everything within Fodlan. There wasn’t a topic stimulating enough to keep his attention, but he did suppose the trade routes of merchants between the three countries was useful information.

Dimitri had also received a plethora of items as gifts. Ashe gave him an expertly crafted pen, though he stumbled over himself when gifting it once or seven times. Raphael, with the help of several others, presented him with unnaturally heavy dumbbells. The weights were fashioned from boulders the young man had said. Sylvain claimed that the perfume he had given him would make him “irresistable,” but it was for competition Dimitri had no interest in.

At least the fragrance smelled of peaches.

The sound of approaching footsteps broke him out of his reverie. He looked to see the form of blue-haired girl settle quietly beside him. He smiled.

Marianne von Edmund wasn’t someone he expected to forge a bond with coming into this year at the Officer’s Academy, but after meeting her, he was glad to find that there were still good surprises in his life. His friendship with her had become quite special to him. He was one of the lucky few the timid girl confided and conversed with. Dimitri was not a boastful man, but he gladly enjoyed being one of the rare individuals she willingly chose to spend time with. 

He felt that they also connected on another level. He didn’t know the full extent of Marianne’s life, but he learned that her feelings were the same as his. The way her eyes looked were so like the boy he saw in the mirror years ago and even today. There was a common ground they shared that was untainted by others, and the thought made Dimitri appreciate Marianne’s existence even more. How she shouldered on through life despite the demons that weighed her down…he admired that the most about her.

She settled silently beside him and leaned against the bride, looking out. 

“Hello Dimitri,” she said in a hushed voice despite them being alone. “It’s nice to see you out here.”

“Likewise,” he responded, turning to her.

“The land…it looks so peaceful, doesn’t it?”

He looked out along with her to observe the world she spoke of. The stars in the sky were numerous, the moon illuminating the valley below them beautifully. The sounds of nocturnal creatures reverberated throughout the atmosphere around them.

“It does. I only came out here to rest, but apparently I have been missing a glorious sight.”

She let out a sound of agreement, her eyes continuing to soak in the details of the world.

"I'm sorry I don't have a gift to give you, especially after those flowers you gave to me last month. If only I had checked sooner..."

"Do not fret, Marianne," he replied quickly, hoping to allay her worry. "I think you being here is a gift in its own right."

She raised an arm to rest on the edge and leaned her face against it, hiding it. "You're just saying that," she said, fighting back a growing blush.

"Think what you will," was all he said, a tiny smile on his face.

He heaved another heavy, tired sigh.

“You must have been awfully preoccupied by our classmates, I assume?”

There was just the smallest hints of a teasing tone in her question, and he couldn’t help but let out a noise of amusement.

“Yes, of course. I can see why you preferred a much quieter reception. I cherish my friends, do not misunderstand, but many of them have energy that is…overwhelming at times.”

“Hehe.”

A meek laugh left Marianne’s mouth and went straight to his chest. Ever since he heard it from that one conversation they shared, he found that he couldn’t get enough of it, but he refused to let anyone know of that. 

She continued to speak.

“It’s true that they are all an energetic bunch. But…I think that’s what makes them all so dear to us, don’t you think?”

He nodded in agreement. Despite all their quirks, it’s because of their personalities that Dimitri has come to appreciate them so. 

They stood beside each other, then, in a comfortable silence, reaching out into the deep expanse before them with their eyes. He breathed deeply, in then out. Many times, he and Marianne would find themselves speaking alone at night. When words weren’t needed, the bubble of respite that took over was one of the few moments of true peace Dimitri had. He yearned for these moments more and more.

Just the sounds of the night and breathing in the company of one who understood. 

After a few minutes, he heard some shuffling as Marianne readjusted her position. The break in silence also prompted her to speak.

“I don’t mean to bother…but what’s on your mind, Dimitri?”

He turned to look at her, surprised by the question. 

“A... great deal of things, truthfully,” he answered cautiously. “Why do you ask?”

The Edmund girl shifted about, a sign of her wondering how to speak in response. 

“You look troubled…and I also think you didn’t just come out here to spend time to rest.”

He grimaced at her observation. It was true. He had gone off to rest, but his head began aching furiously again. He hoped that the cool air would help alleviate the pain. 

More importantly, he needed to escape them.

That warm, pleasant feeling that stirred in his chest once again was marred by the topic at hand.

“I appreciate your kindness, Marianne. It warms my heart. But please, don’t feel that you must do things for me to satisfy our friendship. Your presence is enough.”

“That's..." She trailed off. Dimitri internally scolded himself for coming across as too insensitive.

"Forgive me, Marianne, I-"

"I ask because I want to, not because I have to.” Her face was angled away from him, but he could still see her quivering lip and strained expression.

She was nervous, but she was being surprisingly bold. She rarely looked so serious about things unless she was on the battlefield. He felt he was obligated to respond.

“I…have spent much of my hours today thinking, Marianne. Those thoughts…they remain in my mind. They are not too eager to leave me be.”

He felt her relax as she leaned herself against the bridge’s edge again.

“You need not force yourself to speak," she muttered. She paused then, looking unsure before that rare resolve overtook her face again. "but...I am here with you.”

It was his turn to look away. His earlier conversation with the professor had cemented the idea that Dimitri would keep things to himself, but now, with Marianne beside him and offering her pillar of support, he found it hard to do anything but. For her to do such a thing showed how serious she was in her want to assuage him. It was endearing. The fear of his own thoughts being too much to share was overbearing, that internal lock he had placed to keep his true feelings and secrets contained, resisting. But his body acted against his mind's protest.

“Their faces,” Dimitri said before he could stop himself, “I have thought of their faces often. Recently.”

Marianne said nothing, but she leaned closer towards him and nodded, encouraging him to go on.

“Last month...what happened at Remire Village was…appalling. It had brought back some haunting memories.

“Remire…such a tragic loss of life. I am still shaken from what I saw, as well.”

Now that she said it, he remembered that she had accompanied them on their mission that month.

He had forgotten in his rage. 

“What happened there…it reminds me of what I’ve seen. Senseless deaths of innocent lives, and for _what_? Experiments of wicked men? The impulsive cruelty of those that care not of the anguish they inflict upon their victims?”

He restrained himself from continuing, lest his underlying emotions overtake him. There was no response for a moment, but a hand had found itself on his shoulder. He realized he had been trembling. Her steadying palm calmed him. She remained mute, and that intangible force that had been driving Dimitri forward to speak did not relent .

“I…there is so much I must do. So much that I _want_ to do. But how do I keep moving forward when the faces shadow me at every turn? They scare me, but I can’t ignore them. I will never forget them, I _refuse_ to forget them."

He was shaking again, his mental locks having been unshackled causing him to speak.

"I'm still alive. I know why, I think. I can't stop, not after others giving up so much for my sake. But sometimes I find it difficult to continue walking on a path paved with the bones of those who have fallen for me.”

He had finally said his piece, the flow of words ending. He trained his look at the beautiful scene they had been admiring earlier. He refused to look at her, whether from shame or embarrassment, he didn't know.

Marianne’s hand remained on his shoulder. 

Dimitri had let the full weight of what he said sink into place, and he aimed a mocking laugh at himself.

“Forgive me, Marianne. I…I wanted to be someone you could come to in times of need. To be the one to keep you moving when life seems to tell you otherwise. But here I am, weaker than the words I preach.”

“That’s not true.”

His head snapped to her, the quickness of her reply stunning him.

“Your words, your thoughts…they are not so different from my own. But that does not make you weak. Feeling how you feel and moving forwards despite the fall being so much more inviting…it’s difficult. The thought of giving up makes you feel weak, but continuing on despite that…I think that makes you stronger than most.”

She paused, the sudden energy of her outburst catching up to her. Dimitri watched her, subconsciously hoping for more, and she spoke.

“You wish to be someone for me. That is fine. But that doesn’t mean you have to be infallible. What was it that you said to me? 'You're still here, alive and well.' You stumble and fall…but I see you at the end of everyday still standing on your own feet. That’s admirable in its own way. That is what I look to.”

He stood there, silent. Marianne looked up at him before she turned away back towards the valley beyond the bridge.

Her impassioned words had left him shocked. There was an intensity she usually used to push people away from her, but now, they were used with words that encouraged him, praised him. It was an honor, in a sense. And her last thoughts… 

“Moving forward despite the difficulty… is that what you truly admire from me, Marianne?”

He heard her breath in quickly as if she was surprised to hear him respond to her.

“I do. Is it so terrible a thought?”

He laughed.

“No, not at all. It’s just what you said…I look up to you for much of the same reason.”

She turned to look at him, her eyes wide, before her face burned red and she looked away. He would admire such an adorable sight if he hadn’t spent so much emotional energy the past few minutes.

The night breeze flowed through them as they collected their thoughts. Dimitri embraced the feeling of the cleansing wind.

“If we both admire each other for the same reasons…then perhaps we are stronger than we think,” he suggested.

Marianne stared out and up at the myriad of lights constellating the sky, pondering the sentiment. There was the faintest hint of a smile on her lips.

“Perhaps we are.”

He felt that same peace that surrounded him in their moments of silence. He looked to her to find her looking back. He opened out his arm towards her. She stepped back, instinctively before she hesitantly accepted the gesture, surrounding an arm around him.

Call it improper, but Dimitri found it hard to separate himself from her. She had been a grounding presence, and for tonight, he desperately needed it. Marianne stayed there as well. Maybe she was even leaning into it a little, a part deep within him hoped. Dimitri let himself feel the sensations. The feel of the cold night breeze. The feel of the starlight upon them. The feel of the top of her head pressed against his chest. As he submerged himself in feeling, the incessant voices of his mind quieted down. Apparitions yet to be seen disappeared. He could feel their presence slowly fade away, if only for a time.

He finally let the hug go, but his hand remained clasped with hers.

She did not let go.

* * *

They stayed there for awhile, hands clasped. A small hum emanated from the face next to his. Marianne had her eyes closed as she whispered out a familiar tune.

_“From good friends and true…_

_From old friends and new…-”_

_“-May good luck go with you,_

_And happiness too.”_

He finished for her. She looked up at him in surprise.

“You know it too?”

“Mm. It was a birthday melody in Faerghus when I was young.”

“Ah, I see. My parents…they used to sing it to me when I was a child. I see I was not the only one. Happy birthday, Dimitri. ”

“Mm,” Dimitri muttered. Another shared experience. He kept his delight to himself.

She began to quietly hum again.

He shut his eyes and let his head move to the sound like he was back in his mother's lap. 

For just the night, the weight of those that held him down lifted.

It was peaceful.

**Author's Note:**

> Did you know the the Happy Birthday song had more than one verse? 
> 
> Crazy.
> 
> Also, eventually I'll do more than have these two talk to each other in the dead of night, but for now, I shall remain here.


End file.
